Nothing Says "Tourist" Like...

Anyone who's visited London knows the feeling. You've managed to get into the Tube station but now you have no idea which platform you need to be on. There's escalators going in every direction, tunnels leading off to unknown domains and right in front of you there's a gaggle of people all craning to read the map.

Welcome to London, folks. This is the big tourist giveaway, or so I believe. Those maps aren't always the most intuitive of things to read, are they? Which way are you actually going? Do you know where you're supposed to be heading? You've got about 5 seconds before someone else tries to get at the map or a fed-up commuter jostles past you.

So, here's the thing - work out where you're going before you get into the station. Pick up one of the little paper maps of the network or get on Transport for London's journey planner site. Don't just know which station you're heading for. Know which station the train will be heading for. That way, you don't need to pore over the map to find out which platform you need - just scan the top of the map for the station the train terminates at.

It's a tourist rite of passage, getting lost on the Tube. For those of us who've visited the city often, finding your way round becomes easy to the point that you're amused by your fellow tourists' confusion.

Other tourist quirks aren't nearly as amusing.

Selfie sticks. What is with these things? Yes, you're in London. Well done. Now, can you get that stick out of the way so I can actually enjoy the view? I understand that people like to have photos of themselves at the places they've been, but what happened to asking a friendly passerby to take the shot for you?

In a similar vein, taking photos with tablets has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen. I'm short. Getting stuck behind someone taking a photograph with a tablet is not fun. Hey, dude, you fancy getting that thing out of the way?

Back to the amusing quirks: wearing clothing with the name of your current city on it. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand this. You're in London. We know you're in London. You know you're in London. Do you really need a jumper to remind you that you're in London? Also, maybe I'm being cynical, but wouldn't you think it'd make you a target for thieves/pickpockets/other assorted criminals? You might as well be wearing a big badge that says "not local, lots of valuables".

Oh, so many tourist giveaways. What would you add to the list? Any advice you'd share on not marking yourself out as a tourist?